Like many 20-somethings, my friends are on two different ends of a spectrum. Some of them are married or about to be, while others, functional adults as they may be, are spending their weekends playing “Who Can Get the Highest B.A.C.” and they play to win. Of course some friends are doing both.
But with the friends who are starting their own families, I tend to get the question, “Well when is your turn?” or, “How do you feel about all of your friends getting married?” or “Why aren’t you married?” They might as well say what they’re thinking, You’re getting older and so are your eggs, so what’s your game plan?
WELL, Susanna, my game plan is to eat this pizza and drink this beer. Leave me alone, woman!
…is what I really want to say, but I don’t. I typically give the whole spiel on not comparing myself to others, and that it’s all in God’s time, and how I’m just enjoying what I have with my significant other.
That’s a bunch of bullshit, is what you’re probably saying.
And you’re right. Well, you were. There have certainly been times when I’m with my married friends, and I thought, “Wouldn’t it be nice to be like them?” But then I see how real it is…
- Selfish: concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.
I am self-aware. Part of that self-awareness is knowing how selfish I truly am. When you’re married, or about to be, you no longer come first. Everything in your life now includes an extra person. You have to think about them, and the collective “we” or “us”.
It’s no longer, Oh I want to go live in Oregon for a few years. *packs things up and moves.
It is now, Hey, wouldn’t it be cool to live in Oregon for a few years?
Sweetie, I’m up for a promotion, and I’m not willing to lose that. We’ll talk about it at the end of the year.
I love having the option to just pick up and go. Not that I truly have the desire. If I did, I probably would have left by now. I have to be practical. I have loans, bills, etc. I know the option is there if I ever wanted it. A friend of mine up and moved to Colorado. No strings. I envy him sometimes.
And wait, there’s more!
Once you throw kids in the mix, it is no longer about y’all. It is now about the child. Everything you do is for them. You career is probably put on hold. Your wanderlust gets buried in a corner underneath diapers and socks. Side note: Why do babies wear shoes? They’re just going to grow out of them, and they can’t even walk!
My point is that I am too selfish to put myself second. And before you say anything, I have heard how you are supposed to put yourself and your marriage before the kids, but who can do that when your new roommate is speaking another language and you can’t decide if he or she wants to poop, eat, or sleep?
So my friends are getting married…And I’m focusing on myself. I’m training for another marathon. I’m evaluating my choices, and contemplating my next career move. I’m mustering up the strength to write the book I haven’t touched in years. I can go to sleep when I want. I can leave my house when I decide. When I need time to myself and Mr. Kitty, my rescue, I have it. I’m not ready to give that up yet.
So while my friends are sending out their Save the Dates, I’m sending out mine.